The Space in Between: Expanding and Aligning in Midlife
When Identity Becomes What We Do
It’s a complicated thing, but probably a very common one: to tie our identity and sense of self-worth to what we do.
I’ve been a nurse for 32 years. I worked with sick children, and people often saw that as extraordinary. But to me, it wasn’t special. It felt almost natural. The work was meaningful and very challenging, yes, but not difficult, if that makes sense.
Nursing asked a lot of me and, in return, it gave me so much. It helped shape the person I am today, asking me to grow in ways I’m truly grateful for.
And at the same time, I’m beginning to see that what felt “natural” may not have been the whole story.
When Something Begins to Shift
Now, in this season of midlife, something begins to shift. Midlife has a way of creating space for questions you never thought to ask before, about who you are and how you see yourself. Even about why you made the choices you made.
It can get deep.
Looking Back with Compassion
I feel incredibly grateful for my career in nursing. But if I’m being completely honest, I wasn’t one of those people who always dreamed of becoming a nurse. It was simply the path that made the most sense at the time. Truthfully, I had no clear idea what I wanted to do with my life after high school.
My younger years were… complicated. In ways that weren’t visible from the outside. There were things happening beneath the surface that had a profound impact on the direction my life took.
When I look back now, I have no regrets. The decisions I made were smart and exactly what I needed at that time in my life. It made sense for who I was and what I was going through. And if it hadn’t been a good fit, I don’t believe I would have stayed.
I feel a deep sense of compassion for that version of myself. She was scrappy. Resourceful. Smart. She trusted herself and did what she needed to do.
But with time, and with support and perspective, I can also see something more clearly now. That the environment I grew up in, in many ways, shaped me to take care of others. And while that became a strength, it also became a pattern. One that quietly influenced the roles I stepped into. The identity I built. The life I created.
Outgrowing the Identity
Now, in midlife, something is awakening: a part of me that realizes, I don’t need to live that way anymore. At some point, we begin to see how our identities can place invisible limits on us. Not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because we’ve outgrown them.
And maybe this is part of what midlife offers, not a crisis, but a kind of clarity. A chance to gently question the patterns we’ve been living inside. To notice what still fits and what no longer does. To begin loosening the grip of those invisible labels and expand into something that feels more aligned, more authentic.
The Space in Between
This is where things can feel a little uncertain. Because when you begin to loosen the grip of those invisible labels, you don’t immediately land somewhere new.
You find yourself in a space we don’t talk about enough, the space in between. The space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming.
If you’ve ever made a meaningful change in your life, whether by choice or because life shifted something for you, you’ve likely felt it. That space in between.
It can feel awkward. Like things no longer quite fit the way they used to. It’s a bit like that pair of jeans from your 20’s still sitting in your closet or a new haircut that surprises you every time you look in the mirror.
It’s completely normal for this space to feel uncomfortable, even disorienting at times. You might find yourself questioning everything, moving back and forth between excitement for the new version of yourself that is emerging and self-doubt about whether you can fully step into that new self.
And I want to say this clearly: this is a deeply human place to be. It’s a space of learning, identity shifts, growing pains, and reflection. And it’s also a space where possibility lives, all of which is much easier if you are able to move through it with self-compassion, curiosity, and patience.
Inside the Shift
Over the past two years, I’ve been living in that space myself. Expanding into something new and unfamiliar, while learning to align with a different version of myself.
For 32 years, I was a nurse. That identity was clear. Grounded. Defined. I worked within a system. I knew my role. I knew what was expected of me. And then I stepped into something I once believed I could never do, build something of my own.
And while there were real, practical challenges, the hardest part wasn’t the logistics.
It was (and is!) the identity shift. And as I’ve sat with that, I’ve started to look more closely at where that original identity came from in the first place.
When Identity Doesn’t Catch Up Right Away
Because identity has a way of pulling us toward what feels familiar, even when it no longer fully fits. Those internal stories, those invisible patterns we’ve lived inside of don’t just disappear.
They can sound like: “Who do you think you are?”, “You’re not the kind of person who…”
And even when, on paper, things say otherwise, there’s often a deeper layer that takes time to shift.
Becoming
Change doesn’t happen all at once. There’s often a period where we’re no longer who we were… but not yet fully grounded in who we’re becoming.
And that space, uncomfortable as it may feel, is not a sign that something is wrong. It’s often a sign that something is changing. That you’re expanding. That your identity is catching up to a new version of you.
And even if it doesn’t feel clear yet, something new is taking shape.
A Different Way of Caring
Maybe this is what the process of becoming looks like. Not becoming someone entirely different but relating to the same parts of yourself in a new way.
For me, caregiving is still there. But it’s no longer driven by obligation or unconscious patterning. It’s chosen, intentional, and rooted in presence rather than responsibility.
I’m no longer doing for someone or taking on responsibility for their well-being. Instead, I’m walking alongside, listening, reflecting. Creating space for someone to reconnect with their own wisdom, their own inner resources.
Coaching has given me a new way to express that part of myself, not by doing more, but by holding space. By trusting that others are not broken but capable.
And maybe, in learning to trust that in others, I’ve begun to trust it more deeply in myself.
If you’re finding yourself in this space, questioning, shifting, and sensing that something is changing, you’re not alone. This in-between space can feel uncertain, but it’s also where meaningful growth begins. If you’d like support as you navigate it, I’d love to connect.
