Contemplation Isn’t Indecision—It’s Wisdom in Progress
Listening to the whisper: change begins as a thought
Beneath the surface, just outside of our conscious awareness, something is stirring; energy is shifting as the status quo is being challenged. Our deep wisdom awakens to an almost imperceptible whisper of a question: “Can I change?” The tug and pull between the “I should,” “I need to,” and “I may” rival for space not just in the mind but in the place where intuition resides. A deep knowing in our gut nudges and ignites a spark of excitement that illuminates inside our hearts, which is the place of real change, the home of “I want to.” And a vibration that beats with authenticity, longing and truth travels through our body. What becomes of this energy? Do we suppress it or pay attention to it? Maybe we continue the dance between contemplating where we are and the vision of where we’d like to be, as we ponder the questions, Am I ready? What will it take? Is now the right time? Can I do it? At the intersection of mind, intuition and heart is where possibility, in its dormancy, waits for us to pay attention and remember how to dream.
I may: Harnessing the power of contemplation
If you are considering big change, you are in the contemplation stage, according to the Transtheoretical Model (TTM). The change journey begins when we simply start to think about it. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of this first step. If this is where you are, consider this an invitation to honor it — especially if you’re just beginning to wonder, “What if something could be different?” It is never too late to begin or begin again. If you have arrived at this place where you are considering making a significant change in your life, such as changing an unhealthy habit or adopting a new healthy behavior, this can be a time of intense reflection, deliberation, and thought. This is the internal dance we do, imagining ourselves doing something different, giving up our habit, but also shying away, wondering if we can handle the discomfort and effort we know it will take to get to that new, imagined place. On some days this imagined new place sparks with the excitement of possibility and in other moments our enthusiasm is suppressed by doubt and fear of the unknown. Ambivalence can dominate during this time. This can be a stage where one can spend months or sometimes years in the limbo of indecision.
If you find yourself here for a prolonged period of time, that may be because you can’t imagine behaving differently, or you just don’t know how or where to begin. But if you can no longer ignore your gut and your heart is telling you, yes, I want this for myself, hang in there. You are not far from taking the next step. When we’re making tough decisions, our logical thinking mind can give us mixed messages and our inner critic tends to play on repeat, filling us with doubt. Trust your inner wisdom, that inner voice or feeling, to help guide you. If you still feel stuck in this place of indecision, getting support and guidance from a trusted friend, mentor, or coach can help you to overcome ambivalence, so you can move through this stage and take the next step.
Noticing the nudge
I assume that we’ve all been in the contemplation stage for one reason or another in our lives. Whether it’s for decisions about our health, career, a financial decision, relationships, you name it. And I’m also going out on a limb to say that we’ve all had the thought, “I should.” I should eat more vegetables, I should exercise, I should find a new job, or I should go to the doctor.
That I should energy often connotes obligation. Does it move the needle? Maybe a little, if we start at all, but not for long. That energy feels heavy and is dripping with pressure or maybe guilt. Other times, we may think, “I need to.” I need to lose weight, I need to get more sleep, or I need to stop spending so much money. When we identify a need, it carries slightly more generative energy than, I should. It’s more closely aligned to yearning for actual change. But it may not sustain you during times of uncertainty or doubt. I need to is not yet connected to our values and heart-felt desires. If we can get to “I want to,” we tend to move forward with energy that is generative and alive with possibility. It is value driven and aligned with what we have identified as truly important to us. I want to returns energy back in the system to recirculate and keep motivation going. It gives it legs.
If you are considering big change, some reasons you’ve arrived at this place of contemplation may be because you are less than satisfied with your present state of health or well-being. Or you may now be more aware the ways that change will benefit you. This shift in awareness might originate from a change in your health such a diagnosis of high blood pressure, or maybe a friend or loved one expressing concern about a habit, such as vaping. Or maybe you’ve been dissatisfied at your job, or you’ve noticed your stress level is taking a toll. These events, thoughts, or feelings give rise to an internal tension, you recognize an energetic shift, and you arrive at a turning point. These nagging questions can go unanswered, and swept under the rug for a long time. But that tension builds when we continue to live out of alignment with what we want for ourselves. We make compromises for many reasons; sometimes we’re not ready; taking action requires time, effort, and a plan. It may be a lack of confidence or obstacles may feel too big. Notice where you feel this tension. Do you sense a nudge in your gut, the home of inner wisdom? Do you trust yourself to listen to that inner voice? If you are at this place, it may help to get out of your head and pay attention to your inner knowing, however it manifests for you, and then move a little closer to it.
Finding your reasons
Some important work here involves raising awareness of the benefits. Here you identify, explore and emotionally connect with the benefits that making change will bring to your life. The benefits must resonate with you and be intrinsically motivating. It’s important to discover reasons that are not just about moving away from something you don’t want but are compelling enough to make you want to move toward something you do want. What does that compelling future look like? How does it feel? In this step, you clarify a vision of what you want, as opposed to what you don’t want. If you’re not sure or have not thought of any compelling reasons, you may need to do some research or talk to experts or others who have made a similar change.
Once you find a compelling enough reason to change, and the pros outweigh the cons, the scale is tipped in favor of changing a behavior and you become ready to move out of contemplation and into the next phase of change. When we start connecting the dots between the changes we seek and our hopes, desires, and needs, it becomes easier to truly envision that future. Because we recognize that we do really want it for ourselves. Making this connection, we begin to see ourselves as the person we want to be.
What’s in the way?
Through the process of finding powerful and meaningful motivators, you’re creating generative energy that tips the balance in the direction of change. It’s expected that as you feel your way through, you will bump up against your obstacles. The obstacles are part of the mental calculation while in this stage. Your old behavior or habit has been with you for a long time and changing won’t be easy or pleasant. If you’ve tried to change in the past and it didn’t last, your level of confidence may be low. Take some time here to remember a time at any point in your life when you overcame an obstacle, made a change, or moved forward in the face of uncertainty. Remember your past successes and remind yourself of your strengths. Notice your bias to focus on the negative. We all do this. When considering your obstacles, think about which ones can be navigated, and begin to consider possible strategies and work-arounds. Those strategies will come into play in the next stage of change. Another suggestion is to connect with a person or people who have made similar changes. How did they do it? What inspires you? Maybe you’re already dipping your toe in the water, experimenting with taking small steps. These small wins will help you build confidence.
The stage of change, known in TTM as contemplation, is an important stage when we ask ourselves, What if things could be different? If you find yourself asking this question during midlife, it can feel overwhelming. How do you decide what is right for you? This unique time of life invites you to make decisions with more intention and self-awareness. Give yourself permission to pause, turn inward, and explore without guilt. Quiet the mind, tune in to the voice within, and learn to trust yourself. Remember who you are beneath the roles and responsibilities you have had through most of your adult life. Recognize when fear and doubt keep you stuck in the muddy waters of ambivalence. Getting unstuck comes from the clarity that arises when you know what you value and why. Pay attention to your inner knowing; notice what feels true and alive in you. Imaging moving towards a future you want and honoring your values brings you closer to living a more meaningful, fulfilling and authentic life.
The contemplation stage is a perfect time to work with a health and wellness coach. A coach is a compassionate partner in this process, helping you sort through the noise, increase awareness, clarify your values, and build confidence in your next steps. It’s not about pushing you to act before you’re ready—it’s about walking with you as you get clear on what matters most and what’s truly possible. Having a trusted ally and partner that will support and guide you through the change journey can make the difference between being stuck in contemplation and moving through the stage with awareness and confidence.
